He'll Be Waiting

From "Tcho-Tcho Tango" by Mickey Lovecraft, author of "The Maltese Cthulu" and "Dagon Death Dance."


Paulette's day didn't end well.

She decided to head home after Sam left to stash that ugly idol he found in the dead sailor's suitcase. The thing didn't look like it was worth two bucks, but Sam came back from the university all excited. "This is it, baby!" he assured her. "The big deal! You wouldn't believe what this thing's worth!"

The big deal. Paulette had heard that line before. Tonight, all she wanted was leftover pot roast, Jack Daniels, and the want ads. Being a private eye's secretary was interesting and sometimes exciting, but Acme Insurance paid better.

Paulette's dreams of regular hours and bigger paychecks ended abruptly when she got home. A lady sitting by the elevator suddenly pulled a revolver, made it damn clear Paulette had better keep quiet, and marched her out the back door, across the alley, and into another apartment building. Gutmore's stooge Norton was waiting for them. Together, the mystery woman and Norton took Paulette up to a vacant room.

They searched Paulette--destroying her dress in the process--dumped the contents of her purse on the bed, and dumped her on the bed, too, after they finished tying and gagging her. The lady made a phone call, jabbered what sounded like Italian, and left. The urbane Maxwell Gutmore and his sissy assistant Joey Luxor arrived minutes later.

"Miss Fountaine," Gutmore said. "My apologies for this indignity, but I'm afraid your Mr. Slade has gotten greedy. I offered him a good sum for locating my lost Tcho-Tcho idol, but he's taken it into his head that he can wring more money from me. Most unreasonable."

Sounds like Sam, Paulette had to agree. Greedy bastard.

"Unfortunately, my time is short. My associate Mr. Luxor will go to Mr. Slade and offer a different arrangement. If he returns the idol, which is rightfully mine, I will return his secretary, the delectable Miss Fountaine." Gutmore consulted his pocket watch. "If Mr. Slade will not comply with my simple demand, then I will have you delivered to a local Cthulu cult in need of a sacrifice. You would do nicely."

"Mmmmp!" Paulette squealed.


"Ah, I see you find that arrangement disagreeable, too. Good. Norton will keep you company while Mr. Slade and I bargain. He will not molest you, but he has my permission to use force if you attempt to escape or otherwise misbehave. Good evening."

Gutmore and Luxor left. The laconic Norton was soon sitting with his feet propped up on a table, his Army .45 ready and bourbon within reach. Paulette realized that the stooge had picked the perfect spot. Anybody attempting a bum's rush through the door or the windows would be cut in half.

She could hear a radio through the walls and an argument upstairs. A jabbering mother and kids passed outside the door. Norton gave Paulette the evil eye to ensure she stayed nice and quiet. The gag between her lips got all soggy and nasty, and her arms ached.

It was definitely time to change jobs, Paulette silently declared. Tonight's caper made the third time she had been kidnapped since going to work for Sam Slade. She had spent last New Year's Eve tied up and gagged while everyone else was having a great time. The time when Sam's demented ex-fiancé snatched her, tied her up, and drove her around in the trunk of a car was even worse.

Paulette thought she saw something move in the window above the bed.

Please be a pigeon, Paulette prayed. Sam, if it's you, don't do something stupid!

by scorpionlover42